2Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Hello dear LORD,
Last weekend, at the Princeton Conference on Reformed Theology, You brought me to the reality of these words of Scripture, so that now I can truly say with the apostle Paul, “when I am weak, then I am strong.” For this is what I lived in my own flesh, for two days, As You, oh LORD Almighty, took me to the maximum point of endurance, showing me that I could achieve this only by Your grace, sustained in Christ.
I was always very proud of my health, strength and physique. In Your infinite wisdom, oh God, You decreed that this was not good for me, that this was not the way for me to become a vessel of honor, so You decreed blindness for me. This was not enough, for my pride in my body was not affected. Not only this, for this pride also took me down the awful path of lust and actions I am not proud of and for which, at a later time, You forgave me.
And so, because blindness was not enough to humble me and set me apart for Your honor and Your glory, You then sent CFS to my body. CFS, the destroyer of my pride, the robber of my energy, bringer of perpetual illness and physical pain. Oh yes, LORD, my life did change completely, as now I am housebound for the most part, able to be Your full-time servant, living on the Internet, loving my brethren, encouraging them along our pilgrimage because it is my greatest desire to see them all run the race, keep the faith, finish the course. In the weakness of CFS and the strength of Christ, I hold my brethren, I push them when needed, I take them by the hand, all through the power of Your word and the words I write to them, or say to them, as the Holy Spirit guides. No one knows what this demands of me except You, for very few know how CFS robs even the mind of its energy.
If it is a challenge for me to minister from home via phone and the Internet, What happened last weekend was nothing short of a true miracle. I have often wished that I could go to a Christian conference, but CFS would always say no. Then, this year, my beloved David told me that he wanted to go to Princeton. Without a moment’s hesitation, I said yes, for who am I to put a stumbling block in my brother’s path? The Lord Jesus grabbed hold of David recently, and I will do anything to further his journey to our celestial home.
So I accompanied David last weekend to Princeton, to receive teaching on the providence of God. I went with him in this body of CFS weakness, wondering if I would be able to make it. Everything that had to be done took so much out of me. Walking, going up and down stairs, along narrow train platforms, sitting in the train for a couple of hours each way, sitting at restaurants for our meals. At the church where the conference was held, sitting for hours on a hard pew, focusing on every word with all my might. Oh LORD, You alone know what happened to me. The great joy of finding myself in a house of worship after so many years of not going to one, drinking every word of Scripture, feeding on the conference messages, being enveloped in prayer, whispering the hymns while accompanied by the classic organ, for whispering was all I had the strength to do. On the other hand, the torture of my body, the pain, feeling exhaustion to the point of collapse, something I thought would happen at times. Feeling famished after only three hours upon consuming a large meal, for few also know that, with CFS, the brain consumes an outrageous amount of energy, like the sun, thus weakening the body to the extreme. LORD God, and in all of this is the miracle, that You kept me, the power of Your Spirit who lives in me burned in me, sustaining me, reflecting You in the miracle. It was with a start that I realized at some point during the weekend that I had not collapsed to the point of haveing to lie down, that I did not get an excruciating migraine, that the pain was kept at a level that did not require pills. Lord Jesus, the messages on Your providence were great, the worship times were wonderful, but the best thing You taught me that weekend was that, if You want me to do something that will stretch my body and my mind to the breaking point, I will be able to accomplish the task, because You will enable my body and mind to do so. You, oh LORD, will take me to the breaking point, but You will not allow me to go past it. What a certainty. Now I know what it is to be more powerful than any Olympic athlete, as what is written is now part of my reality and experience:
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Oh yes, my awesome Christ, how you strengthened me last weekend. You did in my body what would simplay have been impossible for me to do on my own. Now I truly understand what You did, and do, for John Calvin, Amy Carmichael, Charles Spurgeon, Joni Eareckson Tada, and I am sure, many more. Broken bodies made mighty for Your service. Broken vessels for Your Spirit to shine forth powerfully.
I did my service last weekend with all joy and in love, for my David and for You, oh Lord Jesus. I will do it again and again, a million times, if You command me to, Almighty LORD. You gave David much blessing through me, and I received even more in You. I can never thank You enough, my LORD and my God.
Zoraida
Your post brought me to tears, for I am able to more and yet I do less. You have been wonderfully blessed,and i pray you will have many more blessingsthroughout your life.
yours in Christian love,
Vlad
Wow! That’s fantastic!
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