Good afternoon, dear brethren and readers,
I just took a shower and washed my hair, and I am thoroughly exhausted as I write these words.
Some of you may recall that I suffer from CFS, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, that illness that robs people of their lives as they knew them, this being the illness that renders people alone and isolated, shut in their own homes and unable to do the simple daily tasks that healthy people take so much for granted.
Those of us who live with CFS bear the burden of social shame and dirty secrets that very few have the courage to disclose to the public at large. On this day, by the grace and mercy of the living God whom I worship and in whom I trust, I now join the small courageous group of CFS sufferers who have disclosed our dirty secrets.
Having extremely low levels of energy means that we can not shower every day like everyone else. The average frequency in which a CFS sufferer takes a shower is from one to one and a half weeks. There are things we do to keep a basic level of hygiene but, as you all know, nothing can really substitute for a proper shower. Because of this, we bear a sense of a very painful self-consciousness that makes us feel extremely awkward if we ever find ourselves in the company of others days after having cleansed ourselves in the shower. I here will venture to theorize that, even if someone with CFS were able to step out for a short while to get a little bit of fresh air, the person would not do so because of that awful feeling of awkwardness and self-consciousness. I theorize this because this is what happens to me.
For us women with CFS things are even worse because of the social impositions on our physical appearance. Women are supposed to shave their legs and underarms. It is known for a fact that going through these rituals is quite a chore for most women who do not have any health problems, so you can imagine how it is for women who live with CFS. Not being able to shave one’s legs and underarms frequently enough places an even greater burden and greater sense of social disapproval.
People with CFS live in dirty houses and apartments, unless they can afford to pay someone to come in and clean, provided, of course, that they are willing to make themselves vulnerable to opening their door to a stranger who might be put off by body odor or greasy hair. As a result, many people with CFS, especially those who were clean and tidy before getting sick, are ashamed to open their door to visitors.
Anyone who maintains a friendship with a person living with CFS is very, very exceptional indeed. Such a friend is not bothered by the CFS sufferer’s infrequency in showering. Such a friend is willing to always meet with the CFS sufferer in their home and stay only for as long or as short a time as the person with CFS can take. Such a friend is not bothered by a dirty house. Such friends are very, very few and far between.
There is a lot that can be written concerning a lover or spouse of someone with CFS, but I will not write about that here. Let the reader think about this aspect of life for the person with CFS based on what I wrote already.
As I pour my heart out writing these things, disclosing these things that burden me and shame me, you may be asking yourselves, “What does any of this have to do with God? Why is this being posted on a Christian blog?” Glad you asked. Let me first share with all of you a little of what the Scriptures have to say about this. As you read, I want to ask you to imagine that the Bible passage below was written about me because, in fact, it was:
1 Corinthians 1:23 but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness,
24 but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.
25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called.
27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;
28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are,
29 that no flesh should glory in His presence.
30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God––and righteousness and sanctification and redemption––
31 that, as it is written, “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD.”
The time has come for me to begin disclosing some things that I have not really been able to share. The time has begun for me to share of myself more with those who know me best. In writing to all of you today about the painful, shameful and dirty things of
CFS, I am not performing a mere social service on behalf of my fellow sufferers, important as this may be. In writing to you about all these things, I show you who and what I am, and who God is. As it is written in the passage above, God chose the weak, base and despised things of this world to show His power and His glory. I am one of those weak, base and despised things the Scriptures speak about. People think they can see God in someone who is prosperous, healthy and in good social standing. People think they can show God in good health, and money, and professional success. Of course it is very easy to see God in those circumstances. The shallow logic is that, if somebody is doing well, God is good. No, but the power of God is expressed precisely in the most illogical ways, in ways that human reasoning can not explain because human reasoning can not understand.
I do not have any eyesight. I do not have health. I do not shower every day so my body experiences the consequences of this. My house is dirty. I depend on my husband to take care of me. And God chose me for Himself. He took me, one of the weak, the despised, the forgotten, and separated me to Himself so that I may bear the testimony of Jesus and the power of salvation. In taking me for Himself, God in turn gave Himself to me, giving me His Holy Spirit to live in me, to enable me to understand the transcendent and supernatural things of His majesty and His glory. I am one who has been made a bond servant of the Christ who died for my sins and rose for my justification before a holy and righteous God. So what if I can not shower every day? So what if I am blind? So what if I can not do the simplest daily tasks as they should be done? True, my pain and self-consciousness of these things is very real and can not be denied. And here is the might of the power of God, which rises way above my own human experience of illness and disability, the power of God that is shown in the fact that He saved me and has set me on the road to eternal life. It is the power of God what enables me to see Him for who and what He is, so I may possess true joy in Him, worship and adore Him, despite my own circumstances. So what if my house is dirty? Frankly, this does not really bother me, the more time I have to give to those I care about, to my beloved brethren for whom I am zealous, whom I want to see staying on the straight and narrow path. I do not do a lot of things in any given day, but what little I do is for the service of my King and Lord. I want people to see Him, I want people to read and hear the gospel of salvation of Christ, I want to keep my brethren safe, I want to encourage and teach. I want people to see the LORD as I can see Him, in all His power and His majesty, in His justice and His mercy. And He is best seen where there is weakness, obscurity, poverty, disability and simplicity of mind. So I endeavor each and every day, behind my closed doors, by means of this technology that God is using mightily for His purposes, to show Him forth, in my own weakness, in my own brokenness, in my own illness, for my LORD lives and is merciful, for He is faithful and He transcends all corruption of the body, all human logic and limited understanding. His power is far greater than the weakness of those of us who believe, As He brings to salvation, through our imperfect bodies, our imperfect lives, those whom He chose from before the foundation of the world.
The power of God be manifested today for someone who has been chosen to be saved.
In His service, for His glory,
Zoraida
I am sorry about your cfs.
But. Praise God, you are alowing it to help you grow in Christ.
I do wonder though, if you are too self conchus. Unless you say sweet alot. You shouldn’t smell, as long as you can wash under arms, and one other part of tht body daily.
I used to lisen to Family life radio, when Warin and Shar Bolt house were in charge.
Char found out she had cfs, and discussed it on the radio, because, it was not herd of much back then, and she wanted people to know about it, for the Doctors, to learn about it.
Dear Zoraida,
God’s strength is truly made perfect in weakness. He is definitely using you to help and encourage many through what you post on forums and in your blog. You once posted about how God, by His grace, allowed you to go way beyond your comfort zome in order to attend a conference with your husband. I pray you will allow yourself to entertain the possibility of stepping out in faith like that again if He ever asks you to do so.
Whatever happens, know that, though I cannot come to your house and spend time with you physically, you have a friend in me. I will pray for you and do my best to encourage and strengthen you when you need help. You have often spoken comfort and encouragement to my heart, and I pray I may be an instrument in His hands to aid you whenever necessary.
Luke 6: 43–45
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”
John 15: 1–5, 16–17
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself: it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. “I am the vine: you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit: apart from me you can do nothing.”
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit//fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command- Love each other.”
Zoraida, the Inspector is pleased with your harvest!
My beloved Connie, Scott and Donna,
Our LORD has truly blessed me by having you in my life and by receiving your love and encouragement. Your words of comfort and sharing of the Scriptures are true spiritual gifts. I am so humbled and honored to be counted in your company. Our most high God be praised in the communion of His saints. I love you all.
Zoraida
Dear Zoraida,
I have finally read your blog. I was both impressed and hurt by your words. It must have been difficult for you to write them for the whole world to see. The most important thing we are taught by our mother and other adults is cleanliness. It is said that clenliness is next to Godliness. I have always wondered about this. I thought your blog was awesome.
Your Sister in Christ,
Velma Voigt (Vee)
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