I was stabbed in the heart this morning by the date displayed on my computer’s task bar; February 10 2016. The anniversary of my father’s death. My God, and it has already been ten years. Ten years since the passing away of the one who was, and is, by far, the most significant man in my life. The most powerful and influential man in my universe, the man who still influences me today, and will do so until the day I die. My father, given to me by Almighty God, as I was given to my father, all this by the sovereign rule and decree of the King of kings and Lord of lords. My father, with whom and through whom I lived a most fearsome, rough, intense, passionate and fiery life, a life that is not over yet, still lived fiercely under the quiet surface of my weak appearance. Oh, how the sovereign LORD was with both my father and me as we went to war, as I defied him and he wielded his authority like a terrible sword to attempt to subdue me. Oh, how the LORD God decreed this painful path for both my father and me, to taste rage and hate, to reach the bottom of the pit of alcohol and loose what was loved the most, to live in agony from a thoroughly poisoned soul that more than once thought about extinguishing itself. Oh, how the hand of the most high God flung me far from my father, into exile, into a foreign land, tearing my soul to pieces, given to it a true country years later through Christ alone by my citizenship which is now eternally in heaven. Oh, how the merciful Father of heaven brought my father out of the pit and to the foot of the cross, cleansing, redeeming, forgiving and granting life eternal. Oh, how the merciful God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ brought me to the same place years later, adopting me into the celestial family as He adopted my father before me. Oh, how the Spirit of God worked so powerfully in me to vanquish those twin demons of rage and hate that had nested in my heart against my father for so many years. How the Spirit of God compelled me, with irresistible force, to seek that which I had longed for above everything else all my life, the love of my father, a love that, I understood later, was always there, yet tragically marred by illness and alcoholism. Oh, how the LORD of hosts laid the path for reencounter after years of separation. Out came the thoughts of the heart, what was hidden, unexpressed for years. Out came expression, confession, asking and granting of forgiveness, healing and restoring the father to his daughter and the daughter to her father in such a manner of power and transcendence as something that feeble words are unable to describe. Oh God, how You granted my father and me what we most desired, as my father’s last five years of life were lived in love, tenderness, communion, as he was my protector and advisor, andI, in my adult age, was, in truth, his little girl, seeking his strength and wisdom, sheltering under the shadow of his earthly wings, as we both came to the shadow of the wings of the Almighty in adoration and thanksgiving for His awesome gifts to us, the father-daughter relationship as intended by the LORD here on Earth, and life eternal which was given to both of us by means of the dark valleys we both had to pass through. For I understand that I had to be the earthly vehicle for my father’s redemption, he had to be taken to the bottom of the pit through me, and I had to taste rage and hatred through him, all for the glory and exaltation of the Almighty who took us through this terrible crucible, to make us come out as pure and fine gold that will never perish, for we are now His possession. Oh, God, how I bow in adoration and gratitude to You for the salvation of my father, as well as my own. How are Your paths altogether perfect, no matter how painful the journey is. I thank You so much for the perfect father You gave me, according to Your perfect will and purposes. Now it is ten years since he is gone, but not really gone, as he lives in my memories and waits for me in our celestial home. I do not know if he was ever able to understand all things concerning himself and me when he was on this Earth, but I know that he fully understands now. I thank You so much, my awesome God, for granting me the inestimable gift of some understanding of these things concerning our lives and Your purposes. You are altogether perfect, my LORD, and You are altogether good.
I love You, God, and I love you, daddy.
Zoraida Morrison
New York City, February 10, 2016
Powerful and moving. Thanks for sharing, Z.
Deeply moving and beautifully expressed, reminding me of struggles with my dad. Thanks for sharing.
Vlad
The father exclaimed, ’“Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on this son of mine. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Fetch the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”’ So they began to celebrate. This angered the older brother and he refused to join in on the celebration. The father went to him explaining, “My son, you have always been with me, and everything I have belongs to you. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because your brother was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”’.
(From Luke 15)
Love isn’t rude, selfish, easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
(From 1 Corinthians 13)
Z, if you ever have energy or feel inclined to post expansion, supplementation, or clarification of thoughts you are now having about this topic, it might be helpful. But as it stands I think many will benefit from this post as they encounter it. I rejoice that the two of you were reconciled. But as you know, some of the reconciliation and desire for it had to come from him, as well as from you.
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